I love this! I struggled with Father's Day cards for years and have often felt a sense of relief around Father's Day that I no longer need to find a card that honors both him and my internal angst. Best Father in the World cards: nope. Maybe I will wander to the Father's Day card section this year to see if there are any that speak to the ache that is smaller than in the past, yet still there nonetheless.
Oh, Sarah, so well put: "a card that honors both him and my internal angst." A friend of mine talks about how her relationship with her late mother continues to evolve ... Maybe greeting cards can help us shift past narratives. Peace and love to you. ♥️
Thank you for sharing this. As I was reading i thought how very similar my relationship with my mother is to yours. This comment really struck home, “Over the years I learned to hold back, to build little walls and to poke at her in my own ways: by not taking an interest in her family history project, by not ooh-ing and aah-ing over her award-winning garden.” My mother was a master gardener. Now at 88 she is slipping into dementia and I am having to tear down those walls and just show love. It’s not easy but I know she did her best as a single mom. She was forced to be a strong woman. I’m so glad I found your Substack and thank you for your honest thoughts about this sandwich stage of life.
Carla, my heart goes out to you and your mom. Dementia is such a villain, but in my experience it offers moments of unexpected opportunity. It sounds like you are making the most of your time together. Take good care. ♥️
This really touched. me. My birthday and Mother's Day are a day apart this year, Sat. and Sun. It has always stymied me that this fact seems to be a problem for my family. Too c;lose. Have to get stuff for two celebrations. But that is true about both days no matter when they appear. ????
My kids are very kind about remembering both and I appreciate everything they do for me. I am grateful for them and their acknowledgement. I can't help feeling that your mom appreciated whatever you did in her own way. Being a mom, as you know, is problematic at any age. Thanks again for reminding me of sentiments I seldom remember to think about. And Happy Mother's Day to you. Hope it is fun.
"Being a mom ... is problematic at any age." That is a great quote! You made me nod knowingly and giggle just a little. 😉 Yes, indeed. Blessings and burdens all over the place. Happy Mother's Day and happy birthday to you, Carolann! ♥️🌷
Your reply was so well stated, Sarah! Ditto! Have a wonderful Mother’s Day to any Mom’s reading this... however it all turns out!... Trust you each find joy in the midst of the circumstances you find yourselves!
This is beautiful, thanks for sharing. I can relate - my mom and I have always had a difficult relationship and I have the same struggle with cards, which always ended up being very... minimal :) But I too have found that the sharpness has softened as she continues to slip into dementia.
I'm very sorry that you and your mom are going through this dementia journey, Anna. Your words resonate with my experience: "the sharpness has softened." So well and succinctly put. As hard as our dementia journey was, I'm forever grateful for the relational healing it seemed to catalyze. Praying for your strength and peace on this journey.
Brave, awkward and kind move ;-) for both of you, to be open and curious. I hope he sees the resonance your articles have with others. If not, you can blame me for the idea ;-)
Awwww I LOVE LOVE LOVE that Sarah. Brave you, wonderful him, very happy for you both and for having this memory to carry you both forward! Definitely a gratitude moment for a journal ;-)
Thank you for this beautiful tribute to your mom, and for the invitation to consider and reimagine all the goodness of our moms and what they poured into us, broken and beautiful vessels.
Yes to all that- the cards were always hard. I tended to make my own (think you might've too)
I did sometimes -- true! Good to hear from you, Lore. 💕
I love this! I struggled with Father's Day cards for years and have often felt a sense of relief around Father's Day that I no longer need to find a card that honors both him and my internal angst. Best Father in the World cards: nope. Maybe I will wander to the Father's Day card section this year to see if there are any that speak to the ache that is smaller than in the past, yet still there nonetheless.
Oh, Sarah, so well put: "a card that honors both him and my internal angst." A friend of mine talks about how her relationship with her late mother continues to evolve ... Maybe greeting cards can help us shift past narratives. Peace and love to you. ♥️
Thank you for sharing this. As I was reading i thought how very similar my relationship with my mother is to yours. This comment really struck home, “Over the years I learned to hold back, to build little walls and to poke at her in my own ways: by not taking an interest in her family history project, by not ooh-ing and aah-ing over her award-winning garden.” My mother was a master gardener. Now at 88 she is slipping into dementia and I am having to tear down those walls and just show love. It’s not easy but I know she did her best as a single mom. She was forced to be a strong woman. I’m so glad I found your Substack and thank you for your honest thoughts about this sandwich stage of life.
Carla, my heart goes out to you and your mom. Dementia is such a villain, but in my experience it offers moments of unexpected opportunity. It sounds like you are making the most of your time together. Take good care. ♥️
I’ll always remember May 10th, it was a special date because Eleanor was so special to me. You finally did get it right👍
You were so special to her, Kay, for 75 (is that right?) years. What a dear friendship. ♥️
This really touched. me. My birthday and Mother's Day are a day apart this year, Sat. and Sun. It has always stymied me that this fact seems to be a problem for my family. Too c;lose. Have to get stuff for two celebrations. But that is true about both days no matter when they appear. ????
My kids are very kind about remembering both and I appreciate everything they do for me. I am grateful for them and their acknowledgement. I can't help feeling that your mom appreciated whatever you did in her own way. Being a mom, as you know, is problematic at any age. Thanks again for reminding me of sentiments I seldom remember to think about. And Happy Mother's Day to you. Hope it is fun.
"Being a mom ... is problematic at any age." That is a great quote! You made me nod knowingly and giggle just a little. 😉 Yes, indeed. Blessings and burdens all over the place. Happy Mother's Day and happy birthday to you, Carolann! ♥️🌷
Your reply was so well stated, Sarah! Ditto! Have a wonderful Mother’s Day to any Mom’s reading this... however it all turns out!... Trust you each find joy in the midst of the circumstances you find yourselves!
Thank you, Jewell! ♥️ Happy Mother's Day to you!
That is such a perfect card! I will be thinking of you this Mother's Day and her birthday as you encounter those firsts without her.
Thank you, Christine. I appreciate your good thoughts!
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Okay, I'm crying now. Thanks a lot. ;)
That is a truly perfect Mother's Day card.
Aw, Melissa! I'm sending you an e-hug ♥️. Have a lovely Mother's Day 🌷
This is beautiful, thanks for sharing. I can relate - my mom and I have always had a difficult relationship and I have the same struggle with cards, which always ended up being very... minimal :) But I too have found that the sharpness has softened as she continues to slip into dementia.
I'm very sorry that you and your mom are going through this dementia journey, Anna. Your words resonate with my experience: "the sharpness has softened." So well and succinctly put. As hard as our dementia journey was, I'm forever grateful for the relational healing it seemed to catalyze. Praying for your strength and peace on this journey.
Oh Sarah Big hugs. You've shared an open honest tribute to your relationship with your Mom. Beautifully expressed. Thank you.
P.S could you share this and the card with your son? Sometimes our hopes are conversations we've just not shared yet.
Thank you, Victoria! That's a wonderful idea. I will share it with him.
Brave, awkward and kind move ;-) for both of you, to be open and curious. I hope he sees the resonance your articles have with others. If not, you can blame me for the idea ;-)
I read it to him this morning, and he pitched in at the end when I got choked up. I think he got the gist of it. Thanks for the good idea!
Awwww I LOVE LOVE LOVE that Sarah. Brave you, wonderful him, very happy for you both and for having this memory to carry you both forward! Definitely a gratitude moment for a journal ;-)
Thank you for this beautiful tribute to your mom, and for the invitation to consider and reimagine all the goodness of our moms and what they poured into us, broken and beautiful vessels.
I love your words, Sharon. Yes! May we all be reimagined! ♥️