No role is forever
Making the most of Sandwich Season
<Welcome to Sandwich Season, adventures in middle age, sandwiched between aging parents and growing children ... and other duties as assigned.>
Dear friends—
This week came with a not-too-subtle reminder that no position in the sandwich is permanent.
In case you’re new here, the term “sandwich generation” is defined as:
“adults who have a parent age 65 or older and are either raising at least one child younger than 18 or providing financial support to an adult child” (Pew Research)
I’m dead center in the sandwich right now, with my dad in his 80s and our son in his late teens. Most days it feels as if I’ll be holding down this position forever.
But on Tuesday, when my dad, Brother Matthew and I went out for breakfast, something on the menu popped out at me in a brand-new way:
By this accounting, next week I will become a “senior.”
My brother watched me as I absorbed the news, wondering how I would take it. But I had already gotten a look at the senior discount, so I was delighted! (And our server gave it to me a week early, because she said I was close enough.)
As I reflect on my emerging senior status, I’m reminded to enjoy these days, when I’m able to spend time with my dad and my son (and my husband and brother, of course!).
And to remember that someday I will be the one needing assistance from others.
So yes, this season often finds me with my hair on fire, but all I can do is try to make these years the best they can be.
Here are a few strategies that seem to be helping us turn the corner … maybe similarly to how a battleship might turn a corner:
Simplifying
Prioritizing
Boundary setting
Outsourcing
Self-care
Today, a situation emerged for Dad and me (hence today’s quick post). Over a few hours, we worked our way through the first four of those bullet points.
Dad was like a Jedi master, calm and cool throughout. I … well … I was not. I might have launched into a five-minute harangue in which I played both good cop and bad cop.
But by the end of it, the two of us had teamed up to solve a problem and before long were laughing at our foibles.
This is Sandwich Season life. And I’m thankful for the sandwich that I’m in.
July was actually National Sandwich Generation Month … so I’m a day late here … but I want to wish you all the best and encourage you to hang in there, no matter which layer of the sandwich resonates most with you today.
All my best to you and yours,
Sarah
Last week I turned 55 and I received my first senior discount when a hotel gave me 5% off. I was amazed (really....a senior discount?!) and my frugal side was quite pleased. Happy birthday to you too 🎉!
What a great photo! Haaaa that's so cool, Sarah and lovely of your server to let you have the discount a week early ;-) There's always so much grace in the way you navigate through these moments of change, transition and sandwich grilling ;-) It's by no means easy, and it's okay if it's messy - it sounds like you and your family can use humour to move through that discomfort. Is that chowder? yumm