Linda, thank you for your encouragement! It does feel as if there is no end to the things I could explore on this topic ... and fascinating to hear back from others about their experiences. Such a common but life-changing experience, this season.
So much of this resonates with me and what my life has been over the past several years. My heart goes out to you Sarah.
How did I not see any of this coming? Our family is still reeling from the family health issues and caregiving stress to help get my parents back on their feet. The future challenges to keep them safe and still have our own lives is huge. They didn't have a plan for this time in their lives. I made some tough decisions after two lay-offs over the past three years and the demand of my obligation's and retired way before I had planned. The vice has been tight but getting easier to manage for now. I am working on my personal mental, physical health and growth. Third act is here and I am trying my best to keep up!
Kathryn, I so appreciate you sharing this and am glad you're at the point of seeing life getting easier to manage despite the challenges ahead.
It's been dawning on me, especially this week, that I don't want my sandwich/vice grip/panini season to end ... because that would mean more loved ones would be missing. So what I'm really looking for is a way to make this season more sustainable. Sounds like that might be where you're headed as well ... ?
Oh my goodness!!! Your life sounds just like my 2022!!! I’m one step ahead of you, as my 2023 has been the year of recovery from 2022. Wow! Your description was EXACTLY what my sister and I went through after my stepdad passed in April of 2022. My Mom had passed in 2020. It felt just like an archaeological dig through the house they had shared for 35 years along with each of their individual collections from their lives prior to meeting and marrying in their 50s. They both had been married previously and had stuff from those relationships and families, along with boxes and shelves full of their childhood and youth collections, treasures and memorabilia . Our first layer to dodge through was the actually 3 years of deposited and hoarded stuff and honestly plain ole garbage left by my stepdad, who was declining rapidly with dementia after my mom’s departure to a nursing home due to her stroke in 2019. She was obviously the one who kept house, even In her late 80s. My Mom seemed to have kept every article of clothing she ever owned as an adult! My stepdad was a pastor and had an ENTIRE library of Christian books and resources. She did have a lot of nice clothes, hats, purses and jewelry that I now sell in my vintage shop on Etsy. I am also selling my stepdads coins, currency, stamps, old magazines and books. I took home the furniture that my dad built. We found 28,000 dollars of cash my stepdad hid stuffed under drawers in the guest bedroom!!! He was telling everyone he had no money!!(did he lie or forget?) who knows? My sister and I met at the house monthly for long weekends of tackling the job of cleaning out and sifting through the trash and treasures. And boy did we find a lot of both!!! We also found childhood memories, both sweet and traumatic. Read thorough my
Moms files of personal letters she kept from virtually everyone she ever knew and corresponded with including unsent, unread letters she wrote to my sister and kept for whatever reason . Sitting through that was like attending an intensive family counseling session.. .except I was the only one there to talk my sister through her wild emotions. We cried ALOT together and it brought us closer. We took MULTIPLE TRIPS to the dump and goodwill and even hired a crew to help us load a rented uhaul and take it to the dump. We were so proud when we actually advertised and held the estate sale in November and emptied out the house by selling the rest to a used furniture/antique shop who offered us one price on all that was left and came by to load it all up on a Sunday afternoon. The rest they did not want was donated to Habitat for humanity. We finally sold the house in March of 2023 and my sister just finished all the paperwork and we each received our inheritance money in September. The months and years since April 2019 to September 2023 seemed like forever. It’s been a bittersweet journey and I look at everything a little differently now…really everything. Like “having” to clean up my husband’s dirty breakfast dishes after I already cleaned the kitchen becomes ..”wow, I’m so grateful I have a loving and healthy husband who was in a hurry to get to his very demanding job and I get to clean these up for him.” I’m so grateful I have the ability to clean up my kitchen and keep my house. My mom lost that ability when she got severe sciatica and could barely walk unaided her last few years of life. She would have loved to be able to clean her kitchen and cook meals but Irvin had to take care of things for her those last few years.
Oh, Magdalene, thank YOU for sharing your experiences! What a mountain of work you have done -- both physically and emotionally. It's truly inspiring to read this perspective from one who has gotten through the other side.
Your coping strategies are wonderful -- I think it's lovely you've opened an Etsy shop to share your mom's clothing. I'm sure her collection from through the years is bringing joy to many other women.
And I admire how you've turned what must have been overwhelm into gratefulness.
Well Sarah, I relived memories through your story, when cleaning out, my parents retirement home. Their travels were none in comparison but the collection of "things"? Yes!! I knew what I wanted to keep, but the process of illumination was a task to behold. Now, that being said, I looked around my home, 2 finished levels and realize what task my children might have ahead. Do I want to downsize? Maybe in small increments, as I have a little bit of time on my side and it will be enjoyable ❤️
"A task to behold" is right, Pam! One thing that helped me a lot was finding the notebooks where my mom had written down specific things she wanted my brother and me to have. As you think about downsizing in your house, I really recommend that "Death Cleaning" book. It isn't just about preparing for dying or even downsizing -- her advice is sound for helping anyone live in a more streamlined way. Something I am now more inspired to do! :)
Very thoughtful recent reflections! You may have discovered your next ‘writing career’ because you are tapping in to a reality for so many! Bravo!
Linda, thank you for your encouragement! It does feel as if there is no end to the things I could explore on this topic ... and fascinating to hear back from others about their experiences. Such a common but life-changing experience, this season.
So much of this resonates with me and what my life has been over the past several years. My heart goes out to you Sarah.
How did I not see any of this coming? Our family is still reeling from the family health issues and caregiving stress to help get my parents back on their feet. The future challenges to keep them safe and still have our own lives is huge. They didn't have a plan for this time in their lives. I made some tough decisions after two lay-offs over the past three years and the demand of my obligation's and retired way before I had planned. The vice has been tight but getting easier to manage for now. I am working on my personal mental, physical health and growth. Third act is here and I am trying my best to keep up!
Kathryn, I so appreciate you sharing this and am glad you're at the point of seeing life getting easier to manage despite the challenges ahead.
It's been dawning on me, especially this week, that I don't want my sandwich/vice grip/panini season to end ... because that would mean more loved ones would be missing. So what I'm really looking for is a way to make this season more sustainable. Sounds like that might be where you're headed as well ... ?
All my best to you!
Oh my goodness!!! Your life sounds just like my 2022!!! I’m one step ahead of you, as my 2023 has been the year of recovery from 2022. Wow! Your description was EXACTLY what my sister and I went through after my stepdad passed in April of 2022. My Mom had passed in 2020. It felt just like an archaeological dig through the house they had shared for 35 years along with each of their individual collections from their lives prior to meeting and marrying in their 50s. They both had been married previously and had stuff from those relationships and families, along with boxes and shelves full of their childhood and youth collections, treasures and memorabilia . Our first layer to dodge through was the actually 3 years of deposited and hoarded stuff and honestly plain ole garbage left by my stepdad, who was declining rapidly with dementia after my mom’s departure to a nursing home due to her stroke in 2019. She was obviously the one who kept house, even In her late 80s. My Mom seemed to have kept every article of clothing she ever owned as an adult! My stepdad was a pastor and had an ENTIRE library of Christian books and resources. She did have a lot of nice clothes, hats, purses and jewelry that I now sell in my vintage shop on Etsy. I am also selling my stepdads coins, currency, stamps, old magazines and books. I took home the furniture that my dad built. We found 28,000 dollars of cash my stepdad hid stuffed under drawers in the guest bedroom!!! He was telling everyone he had no money!!(did he lie or forget?) who knows? My sister and I met at the house monthly for long weekends of tackling the job of cleaning out and sifting through the trash and treasures. And boy did we find a lot of both!!! We also found childhood memories, both sweet and traumatic. Read thorough my
Moms files of personal letters she kept from virtually everyone she ever knew and corresponded with including unsent, unread letters she wrote to my sister and kept for whatever reason . Sitting through that was like attending an intensive family counseling session.. .except I was the only one there to talk my sister through her wild emotions. We cried ALOT together and it brought us closer. We took MULTIPLE TRIPS to the dump and goodwill and even hired a crew to help us load a rented uhaul and take it to the dump. We were so proud when we actually advertised and held the estate sale in November and emptied out the house by selling the rest to a used furniture/antique shop who offered us one price on all that was left and came by to load it all up on a Sunday afternoon. The rest they did not want was donated to Habitat for humanity. We finally sold the house in March of 2023 and my sister just finished all the paperwork and we each received our inheritance money in September. The months and years since April 2019 to September 2023 seemed like forever. It’s been a bittersweet journey and I look at everything a little differently now…really everything. Like “having” to clean up my husband’s dirty breakfast dishes after I already cleaned the kitchen becomes ..”wow, I’m so grateful I have a loving and healthy husband who was in a hurry to get to his very demanding job and I get to clean these up for him.” I’m so grateful I have the ability to clean up my kitchen and keep my house. My mom lost that ability when she got severe sciatica and could barely walk unaided her last few years of life. She would have loved to be able to clean her kitchen and cook meals but Irvin had to take care of things for her those last few years.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Magdalene
Oh, Magdalene, thank YOU for sharing your experiences! What a mountain of work you have done -- both physically and emotionally. It's truly inspiring to read this perspective from one who has gotten through the other side.
Your coping strategies are wonderful -- I think it's lovely you've opened an Etsy shop to share your mom's clothing. I'm sure her collection from through the years is bringing joy to many other women.
And I admire how you've turned what must have been overwhelm into gratefulness.
Take good care,
Sarah
Well Sarah, I relived memories through your story, when cleaning out, my parents retirement home. Their travels were none in comparison but the collection of "things"? Yes!! I knew what I wanted to keep, but the process of illumination was a task to behold. Now, that being said, I looked around my home, 2 finished levels and realize what task my children might have ahead. Do I want to downsize? Maybe in small increments, as I have a little bit of time on my side and it will be enjoyable ❤️
"A task to behold" is right, Pam! One thing that helped me a lot was finding the notebooks where my mom had written down specific things she wanted my brother and me to have. As you think about downsizing in your house, I really recommend that "Death Cleaning" book. It isn't just about preparing for dying or even downsizing -- her advice is sound for helping anyone live in a more streamlined way. Something I am now more inspired to do! :)